No, I Don't Need to Relax!

Before Relaxers

I received my very first relaxer when I was 5 years old. When I say that everyone usually gasps. Yes, I was very young as well as tender-headed possessing a head full of thick "unmanageable" hair. My mother, God rest her soul, found doing my hair as a chore and of course I did not make it any easier by crying whenever she did my hair. She unfortunately used a "rat-tail" comb on my hair, which I found out as I got older was and is an ABSOLUTE no-no on coarse hair. I remember it like It was yesterday, She would sit on the couch in the living room trying not to get super frustrated with doing my hair. Still to this day I can feel the pain of when she would get to my kitchens (the area in the back of your hair above your neck that tends to be more curlier and sensitive). One day she got tired of the daily chore and decided to purchase a box of relaxer. At the time I did not know what it was, all i knew was that the little girl on the box had pretty straight hair and had bouncy curled ends. I wanted my hair like hers. My mother began applying Vaseline to my edges, it felt weird to me because it had a thick slimy feel to it, but I went along with it since I did not have a choice. Then, she started applying this white cream to my hair with what i thought was a big fancy paint brush. As she worked through my hair, i though to myself "this is not too bad". As time passed by, I felt a slight stinging that eventually molded into burning and extreme heat. My eyes began to water and I felt my face getting hot. I began crying and asking my mother to get that junk out of my hair. We ran to the sink and began to wash it out of my hair, which seemed like the longest process ever. We were over the kitchen sink for so long that I had a crook in my neck afterward. Once everything was washed out, my mother applied a leave-in conditioner and blow dried my hair out. Then, she began curling my hair into an up-do with a bang off to the side. I was happy when I finally got to see myself in the mirror. I remember running my fingers through my hair amazed at the fact that my fingers did not get caught in my hair as it usually would and that it looked very silky and straight. I went to my kindergarten graduation the next morning with so much confidence and was glad to show my hair off to my White classmates who had straight hair. 

Before going Back Natural

Before going Back Natural

As the years went on, I had gotten used to the routine of the relaxers and even though I was advised not to scratch my hair prior I still ended up doing so anyway. This went on until I was 20 years old. This was the age where I stopped getting relaxers, but still continued to straighten my hair out with my flatiron. I hated when my roots did not get as straight as my ends equally as much as I hated the humidity and rain that puffed my hair. I felt beautiful when I wore my hair bone straight and whenever I did not, I felt like crap, which was obviously a problem. There's a lot of psychology and self-reflection manipulation to the use of relaxers. I believe in my heart that my mother was tired of going through the hassle of doing my hair, but I also believe that she wanted to give me straight beautiful hair so that I won't feel bad seeing other little girls with straight hair and feel inferior. It is a deeply rooted complex that I personally believe had me brainwashed and I am blessed that I had finally seen the light. (I am very interested in doing a research project deeper on the issue of "Good Hair" to collect my own data and interviews.) One day I woke up and felt empowered to grab scissors and just cut and say to hell with what anyone else thinks and that I am beautiful regardless of how I wear my hair. I told myself that hair does not define you. YOU are NOT your hair! You are the person within!

I have been on my natural journey for a little over 2 years. I did not big chop, instead I chose to clip my permed ends little by little every month until all of my permed ends were gone. It was a rough transition due to me still possessing the desire to wear my hair straight and dealing with those two different textures. I could not quite do a "Wash & Go" because my roots were extremely thick and my ends were bone straight, therefore, I found safety in doing braid-outs and twist-outs. Once all of my permed ends were gone, I found out what the true meaning of "shrinkage" was. My hair was a decent length when I manually pulled it down to see how long it was, but when I let go of the hair, it began to shrink and twist around forming thick curls. Of course, it was one heck of an adjustment and it took awhile to get used to. When I first began my journey, I truly understood how much individuals live through YOUR hair.  They get so worked up with what YOU do to YOUR hair as if they do not have their own hair growing on top of their own head! I received so many negative comments that I began to question myself and my own decision. "Why did you cut your hair?" "What happened to the long hair that you had?" "Why would you do that to yourself?" were common questions that I received on a daily basis via my personal Facebook and Instagram accounts as well as in person when people saw me around. I will not lie, my feelings were hurt especially when individuals joked with me and referred to me as "Nappy-headed". The things that we all must remember is that words and jokes can be detrimental to an individual's view of self as well as turn into something ugly such as a broken friendship or a feud. Always choose your words carefully and be delicate with sensitive things such as someone trying something new. In this instance, saying bye to the creamy crack takes a great deal of bravery and empowerment. It is scary initially, but as you begin your journey and find things that work for YOU and YOUR hair, you get to a place where no one can tell you crap! Going back to natural is a very intimate journey where you get to know yourself and your hair and you honestly redefine yourself. 

Other things that need to be stated (disclaimers):

Twist-Out Style

1. Being natural does not mean that you are limited to an afro all of time. The picture to the right is a twist out style on natural hair. (stay tuned for a piece on twisted twist outs)
2. Your hair grows out with time it is not overnight by any means!
3. I noticed that various women want to go natural to get "curly" hair. It does not work that way. Let's be clear, just because you go back natural it does not mean that your hair will be curly. Keep in mind that everyone has different textures. Go back natural for the right reasons not to fit in or get curly hair. 
4. Do your research beforehand on hair care.
5. A lot of individuals think that Natural women do not comb their hair. That is not true. We do not roll out of bed and neglect our hair! In fact, I find that since going back natural that I care for my hair a lot more now than EVER before! Takes a lot of time and patience.
6. Individuals assume so deeply that because you are natural that means that your hair is nappy and/or unmanageable. That is so not true. It is all in the process and time you put in your hair. (P.s. I hate the term "Nappy" I believe it is a derogatory, offensive, discouraging, negative, and stereotyping word. Never use the term in reference to my hair where I can hear you. I will quickly read you your rights.)
7. We are natural WOMEN! We are NOT pets, case studies, or science experiments! Do NOT pet our hair or ask questions in a way that can be viewed as discriminatory or insulting. Remember that what one Natural woman allows, the rest of us may not. I know some that do not mind individuals touching their hair, but myself on the other hand would prefer you not to do so for several reasons. Basically, do not assume that everything can be applied across the board. Ask first!
8. I do NOT believe in knocking ANYONE'S journey. If you choose to relax YOUR hair I will NOT convince you to stop or judge you based on that. As long as you are happy, know your value, and have healthy hair, I will empower you as well. Also, I must include that you must respect my journey as well. If you choose to relax your hair do not knock me for choosing not to do that. Respect is a two-way street.
9. I noticed that many natural women feel the need to debate with relaxed hair women about how they should stop and go back natural. Honestly, It is a pointless argument! Remember that there is only division if we allow it. Realize commonalities rather than differences. We are all beautiful!

No matter what your journey is, MAKE IT A GREAT ONE!